What do Mom and Dad really want as they age? Ter Scott with AlwaysConnectedCareDOTcom offers answers.

As an installer of personal emergency response systems for about ten years as a stranger coming to a senior’s home and placing these unidentified objects on their counters, then telling them that all would be better now was probably the hardest thing in the process. 

Sure, sometimes I was stalled at the phone step of setting up the appointment with, “I don’t want it”, “my kids are making me do this” and other expletives to which I calmly replied, “They… (always blame it on “they”) want me to stop by and explain things”. So when I get in their door and do everything I can with my body language, listening skills, and speaking slowly to “sell” them on the idea that having and using this new contraption will truly help them, they agree to give it a try. 

“Your kids won’t be calling you all the time checking in on you”, and “you will now have independence and freedom”; my basic practical and hopefully appropriate responses were always couched in emotion because people make decisions emotionally. I knew that I wasn’t getting a “commission” as I was an installer so I used that to my advantage. I would tell them “I’m not trying to sell you on this but your kids love you and want you to have it. So, why not try it for a few weeks, and if you absolutely can’t stand it, I’ll come back and get it”. True, I wasn’t a “salesperson” but using this puppy dog close helped reason with the senior in denial and I very, very seldom ever had to return to retrieve it. Their children or whoever ordered the unit never had a clue how hard I sometimes worked on their behalf but I knew they sincerely wanted their loved ones safe and I knew that having a fall response unit in their home would accomplish this.

To further help understand human nature in yours and my dealing with humans (which might even work with animals) I suggest you find the book, The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. We’ll cover the subject more when we are in the chapter, Talk About it. For now, I won’t share what those five love languages are but what I will tell you is that we must find out what the other person’s love language is to communicate in that language. Most people speak, talk and communicate in every way possible to everyone in his or her own love language (as Dale Carnegie told us that most people love to talk about themselves!).

Another quick example that demonstrates how we must communicate in the way others, and in our case our aging seniors, want to be communicated with is when your child texts you and you call back. You will get their voice mail most of the time; they do not return your call- they text! So, here is a tip to make a better connection that may be more of a “rule”. When someone text’s you, text back when they call and leave a message, you return with a phone call (unless you are the parent and really, really need to talk to your child. In my case, I leave voicemails and still get a text back. I don’t know about you but when I get an actual phone call from any one of my three kids after I find out that this is not an emergency, I thank them profusely for actually being able to hear their voice). So here is the "rule". When someone emails you, reply via email. When someone uses snail mail, snail mail them back. (Hint, the senior generation loves to get snail mail and handwritten notes and holiday cards. And kids if you are reading this, please don’t just “text” your dad a “Happy Birthday”). When someone uses smoke signals, use smoke signals; you get the idea. (I’m Native American and I assure you “using smoke signals” is not offensive, at least to me. Hmmm, maybe I should consider sending smoke signals to my daughter who lives about 5 hours from me).

Please note, it is not up to others to understand and use your love languages to please you. We cannot change others; we can only change ourselves, and in so doing we may be able to change others but never count on it. It would be nice if others knew this rule and returned calls when we call, but in knowing that some siblings and parents do not communicate at all, I’m happy to communicate via texts. I suggest that you learn the 5 love languages and use them in both social and business settings; the results are truly remarkable. Giving the book as a gift to your child or your company staff is highly recommended.

Don't Fall for Anything is directed to caregivers and seniors who may have sight challenges, keeping with knowing and understanding my audience, I’ve also published this to communicate in large print.

So what is it the seniors want most? Maybe we simply start with what they want, period. 

The easy answer is that they are people like you and me. They are your parents and you’ve known each other for some time; they are your grandparents and it's a good chance that what you like and want are the very same things that they like and want. I understand this may not help some who don’t know what they want, but that is for a different book. If that is you, try keeping up. 

Fortunately, we don’t need to make this more complicated than it is. In sales, we find out what a person wants and needs, then we provide it (and regardless of what you and I think, we are all in “sales” in some sort of fashion; minimally we are persuading people as in this case it may be to persuade our parents to remember to take their meds and keep their PERS wristband on at all times…). 

And how do we find out what they need and want (which is not just based on our own observations) is to simply, wait for it… we ask them! When we ask we many times find out that our speculations do not match their specifications. 

Here are some of the findings as to what seniors value, but please try not to “judge” and think something is too fantastic or could never be. In their minds and hearts, it is achievable, doable, and very much reality. Your grandparents may have been considered “old” at forty-five or fifty but today many in their sixties, seventies; and even in the nineties are fully vibrant and alive.

The National Council of Aging found out a few years back state that about 65% would love to be as healthy as they were ten years ago. However, 65% realize they have two or more chronic health conditions.

71% of seniors feel their community is responsive to their needs but that it can use some improvement. I ask what is considered “community”; their home, church, medical staff, the neighbors on and around their block, their children? As a caregiver, you may want to ask your loved one the specifics.

At the time of my writing this, almost 50% have access to pensions; which of course will change as this generation passes. Pensions aren’t as common as they previously were. About 25% of retirees plan to rely on social security to “get by”. How does that translate to a caregiver? I’m a caregiver to my older brother who is on Social Security and for me, this translates as being a taxi driver, accountant, organizer of opportunities that can involve him, and sometimes a philanthropist which I know I'm not the "lone Ranger" as so many are helping those who are "living on a fixed income”.

Only about 28% of seniors think that “age is a state of mind”; and personally I hope that percentage improves. Attitude is everything and "thinking makes it so".  I do believe, however, that when safety, confidence, peace of mind, and a safer home and on-the-go environment are achieved that seniors can forget aging a bit more and start living again!

Almost 90% feel they are confident in maintaining a high quality of life. Whether this is true or not, I can't say. I started our conversation by saying that we shouldn’t think their thoughts are too fantastic or unachievable. And I don’t think we want to give in to the temptation here. We all know of seniors who are hoarders and have tripping hazards in their homes. We know of seniors who don’t get out and exercise to keep fit. Others we know do not socialize. Many forget to take their medications. There are a host of examples including those who are in denial thinking they do not need to have a remote emergency response system in their home and on their person. That is not maintaining a “quality of life”. I also know of caregivers, children with parents who live alone and are candidates for a remote emergency monitoring system who keep putting it off, or you are a parent or grandparent who continues to put off subscribing to a system. I hope that as we continue together in Don't Fall for Anything that you'll see just how much having your own system will help you to get what you really want right now in this stage of living. 

To understand what seniors want; understanding that they and we love many of the same things, I suggest you try to keep in mind these ten things and I would make a list of each and revisit them frequently. I would also suggest that in these ten areas, we who are younger may not realize that these things which seem harmless and easy for us, contain hidden dangers which become prevalent as one becomes older.  

When we are young, health is taken for granted. We fall out of trees, break an arm and heal quickly. Older adults fall from a standing position, break a hip and lie there for sixteen or more hours before they are found. By then their health has deteriorated to the point where now they require nursing care for the duration of their now shortened life span.

Osteoporosis, arthritis, hearing impairment can all equate to issues of being unstable creating susceptibility to falling. I’ve noticed now that when we go to the doctor for anything; physicals, eye treatments, shots; anything it seems they always ask now, “have you fallen recently, do you think you may fall, are you afraid of falling?” We don’t want to harp on this but fitting it into our conversations I believe is critical to having our senior loved ones maintain that quality of life they desire.

Relationships are so valued by seniors; that of friends and especially family. Sadly, so many have children who do not call or visit.

I remember reading somewhere that newborn babies who were suffering and not getting better were prescribed to be held and cuddled by nursing staff and quickly improved. This treatment works at any age.

It’s been proven that hugs do all kinds of good things, including reducing stress, reducing fears, and reducing pain. Hugging and even touching can instill confidence, improve heart health, and protect from illness. It definitely improves communication. Years ago I attended a convention where the speaker assigned each of us, listeners, to go home, hug our parents and tell them we love them. If you get just one thing from Don't Fall for Anything; go home, hug your mom, hug your dad and tell them you love them. You may think you are doing this for them but it does something to your own soul. It may not be easy but do it; it’s worth it. Have you hugged a senior today?

I’ve already mentioned the desire for “community” as being important for our aging population. We all love to associate with friends, shop, and be part of society. Being younger we may not be aware of the complications which can arise from one walking to and getting up into a bus to be transported somewhere. Being assured of help is just a push of a button away gives the confidence and freedom to leave home and enjoy life out in the community.

Most everyone loves to eat and that includes your grandparents; as long as everything else in life has them being up to doing so. The simple pleasures of eating and even remembering to eat, and what to eat; and to remember to take necessary medication can become a “chore” instead of a pleasure.

Your parents no doubt taught you to have a routine like brushing your teeth and going to bed at a decent time. Routine and schedules with some spontaneity can be both the positive anchor and also the spice in an elder’s life. These are the things that happened during the life of seniors and remember that they would love to have what they had in health and other areas of life ten years prior. It may not be 100% possible, but they would love things to be as they’ve always been. My suggestion is to try to offer as much of that as possible. Comfort is a big concern and desire by the nearly golden-agers and routine and anchoring affords this.

We’ve always been told to “respect” our elders but what does that really mean? Certainly, we should do all of the things we’ve been taught – show them. That’s it, “show them” with your courteous actions. Find ways to celebrate and demonstrate how they have inspired you. Truly listen to them and don’t talk over them. Take their suggestions and counsel and then show them the results of that counsel; let them know that you just didn’t listen to them but that you heard them and took action on their words. Be genuine when you love them.

Encourage them to be active and find ways to suggest how they can be; at least in a very small way doing whatever they are able to do. You do lose it when you don’t use it. Be aware of events and classes in the community they can take part in.

Financial Security and Independence are related. Sadly, if one hasn’t planned for retirement or has had setbacks in life this may not be achievable for retirees. Caregivers must be aware of how regrets can cause unmentionable pain in the minds of older people. Fortunately, with the technology and affordability of in-home amenities and outside the home opportunities seniors have more choices for less. Caregivers may be called upon or feel the responsibility to offer more to their loved ones so it is refreshing to know that safety monitoring systems are a very affordable “luxury”.

To summarize, our parents, grandparents, and seniors all want life to continue pretty much as it has before; without too much intrusion and “nagging” from us and with the freedom and confidence that maintains dignity and independence. 

 

History of Personal Emergency Response Systems, told my one installer and now Master Care Partner with ECG

As an installer for the originator of the first medical alert system, I have some idea of its history. The following information is true to the best of my knowledge and is presented here as a bit of a background and not as "gospel". If you really want to dig further into the fascinating background of how all of the medical alert systems came about, you've got the Internet and as everyone knows, "If it's on the Internet is has to be true", Abraham Lincoln. 

History of Personal Emergency Response Systems

People have fallen from the beginning of time and very shortly after the creation of gravity.

You may remember the story of Daedalus, the father of Icarus, who molded two sets of wings out of wax and quills for both he and his son. Overwhelmed by happiness in being able to fly, the unwise Icarus took off into the sky, but getting excessively near the sun; the heat softened the wax so Icarus fell into the ocean and died. This idea of flying is probably too fantastic in the mind of most seniors but reaching too high and falling off a step stool or a ladder is not. According to the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission Persons in the year 2000, ages 65 and older accounted for half of all ladder deaths reported to CPSC. In 2002, this population accounted for 16% of emergency room-treated injuries involving ladders".  Other hazards are tripping over a pet or on a throw rug, or falling between the bed and wall. This and more are all very real; with very real consequences. We may live closer to the floor than Icarus was to the sun, but the consequences could be just as fatal; especially if you are forced to lay there for an extended period of time. (The average time for someone to be found after falling is sixteen and one-half hours). It's not just the "I've fallen and can't get up" situation, it's also having the "I've fallen and need help now!" solution. My friend, associate, and mentor in the “anti-fall” and “how-to-get-help-fast-after-you-fall” business, Mr. Tony Dohrmann says, “Gravity is Public Enemy #1; has been and always will be, and especially attacks worse the aging population”.

If you know of or are one of, the 3 million older people who fall and will be treated in emergency rooms this year, with all the talk about remote monitoring and personal response systems you might think this is all new technology. But as with all things, this too has evolved over time. Before we get started with what you must do so you “Don’t Fall for Anything”, let’s take a look at a few highlights from the “I’ve fallen and can’t get up” history.

Philips Lifeline was the first to provide a personal alert service in North America back in 1972, when gerontologist Andrew Dibner, Ph.D., wondered, "What would an elderly person do if he or she were alone and needed help? They’d call for someone, of course, but how?” It seems I was told somewhere (perhaps in my training with Philips as an installer) is that Dibner's “aha” moment came to him while shaving one morning. He was alone, and cellphones weren’t yet invented yet, wondering what if he had an accident in the bathroom… how could he get to the phone? (Before you think that having a cellphone today is your “salvation” and solution in an emergency, remind me to fill you in later on how cellphones are literally thrown far from reach when you fall, you won't always have the presence of mind to “dial” 911 when a home intruder is breaking in, and it’s near impossible to use your cellphone in an animal attack).  

Dr. Dibner imagined his personal emergency response system made affordable and accessible to all seniors and started fostering the idea. After only two years, his idea became reality, when he and his social scientist spouse, Susan, set up Lifeline Systems, Inc.

Working on even more ways to help offer independence for senior adults, the Dibners began selling the Lifeline Systems. In 1972 they pioneered the wireless button and in 1976 Dibner was granted a patent for the Automatic Alarm System.  

None of this evolution of the personal emergency response system (PERS) would be possible without the genius of L. Dennis Shapiro. He took over as director and CEO of Lifeline Systems in July 1978. The organization soon changed its advertising and marketing selecting to target emergency clinics and nursing homes rather than going directly to the patient. In those days, the associations and larger medical firms would buy or rent the Lifeline hardware, and then lease it to their patients. Social workers and other medical professionals were the ones who offered Lifeline to patients and their families and someone like myself would get those orders and install the units. That's mostly changed now because today's technology and greater affordability have switched to marketing directly to consumers online and having a more "relationship marketing" type of assistance by local businesses, advocates, and care partners like myself through companies such as AMonitorForMomDOTcom, PushButtonAssistDOTcom, and AlwaysConnectedCareDOTcom. 

The inventor, Shapiro is maybe most known as a pioneer of PERS innovation. In the testing of radio waves and home security, he drove the improvement of a 24-hour alert system” for Lifeline Systems, and headed Lifeline from 1980 until he resigned in 1988 and remained on as executive until Philips procured the organization in 2006. This is about the time Yours Truly started doing installs for Philips installing and educating subscribers and the public on the advantages of living independently with PERS. 

The famous line spoken in a TV ad by entertainer Dorothy McHugh was, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” which was for LifeLine. (The slogan has been altered slightly to be used by other medical alert companies without copyright infringement). The slogan helped seniors and others at risk to be made aware that they could get a pendant which, when the button was pushed, speak into an “intercom” sort of device that was sitting on a nearby table or counter connected through the phone line and directly to a dispatcher. All of this was now possible without the need to physically get to and dial a phone for help. Now with an emergency such as a fall, the person was equipped with the assurance of getting help in emergencies. Today people young and old wear wristbands or pendants to be safe after school, at college, out on the town, and in the community, and not just inside the home. However, our seniors are still the most vulnerable of our population and the biggest users. Technology has improved also and today the units are smaller, far more sophisticated having more sensitive components, and GPS capabilities to find someone who has an emergency outside their home. Plus units can now detect falls without the need to push a button in the case someone becomes unconscious or is unable to push the button. Peripherals such as blood pressure monitors and ear thermometers can be added to units. Help centers and response time has improved too. 

Once considered only as "fall systems" now promises to richly increase safety and independence; giving peace of mind to the user and caregiver. More sophisticated systems by companies such as Electronic Caregiver boast 24/7 advanced remote patient monitoring with voice technology, full redundancy, total care circle coordination, and seamless connectivity. 

Veteran PERS Installer Explains How He Came to Saving Lives with Electronic Caregiver

 How I became involved with ECG, Electronic Caregiver

I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything” which can mean a lot of things but for me, it means that I stand for helping others “not to fall”.

I was introduced to this industry a few years back when I became an installer for a well-known company that manufactured PERS units, Personal Emergency Response Systems. These were units about the size of a small toaster that sat on a counter somewhere in the “center” of the home where a person spent most of the day, with the person wearing a wristband or neck pendant that they would push in the event of a fall or any emergency.

I absolutely loved what I did. The company faxed or emailed me the work order, I called the person (who was expecting the call (the unit was usually ordered by a caregiver, nurse, or other health professionals), went to the home, “installed” the system, and then explained how to use it. “Explaining” took the most time.

It sounds simple and it was except that I found myself spending time explaining, and educating the person on how to wear it, and to wear it ALWAYS (to never, never, and never take it off; even when leaving home because they may forget to put it back on) and if ANYTHING (meaning “anything”; even if they just wanted to “talk”) that they only needed to PUSH THE BUTTON. And, I spent a great deal of time “convincing” people to comply.  

For many, it was confusing and “different” to wear something. For others, it was having an additional, strange object sitting next to the sugar and coffee containers on their counter. And still for others, and this was a big one, they were in denial thinking that they DID NOT NEED this and that their kids wanted them to have it. When I would return to troubleshoot why their unit wasn’t working I found some of them unplugged from the wall, some hidden behind bread boxes and sugar canisters, packed in a box waiting to be returned. Sometimes the subscriber was self-conscious and thought everyone “noticed” that they were wearing the wrist band or pendant. Instead of an “installer”, I think the job was that of an “educator”.

Having done this for about 10 years I think I can assure you that I’ve seen it all. I actually have an education degree and love teaching, and I know “how” to teach. If you’ve ever had an instructor who you “did not understand”, you know what I mean; it wasn’t you, I believe with my whole heart that it was your instructor. (Well, I digress; that’s another book).

I was good at doing these installs because I was an educator and (modestly can say that) I understood the product and service… but more importantly I “knew” the concern of the role reversal that takes place with the adult child now having to care for a senior parent… and I also knew that the senior parent wanted to retain dignity and independence.

All of this is why I’m writing this. I want you to know that “I feel your pain”. I feel the concern that the adult caregiver has with a senior living at their residence who is alone all day while the caregiver is stressed at work wondering if mom or dad are taking their medicine, the right medicine at the right times. Wondering if they fell while getting up and going to the bathroom. They may think about their parent cutting themselves while preparing something in the kitchen, falling from a step stool, tripping on uneven floor levels or slipping on wet surfaces, or getting in and out of the shower or bathtub. This pain only increases when a parent lives just down the block or in another state.

I also want you to know that I’ve been there. I’ve seen it. And I continually am trained to be there; to see it. And I want you to join me. Read this material. Make everything as safe as possible. Follow my Facebook page and get updated tips and watch informative and important LIFE-SAVING videos. That is all totally free. Become aware of ways to be and remain safe in the home and on the go. And be sure that you have a PERS – Personal Emergency Response System for you and, or your parent. (Later I’ll describe why and how these units are not just for seniors).

Like all things, technology has improved in this personal safety industry; for instance, the unit that used to sit on the counter is now about the size of the palm of your hand and “finds” you using GPS anywhere you are in the USA; even the world. The response time and overall client assistance have improved; especially through one company, ECG.

As I mentioned, I loved doing installs for my first venture but when the company insisted on a different and more cumbersome, time-consuming routine in getting the paperwork to me, I got frustrated and quit. I still had clients calling me for years and I would help them as best I could and give them the number of the company for further help. Now that company is not even in business!

I kept busy with my other entrepreneurial pursuits but when I saw the opportunity to partner* with Electronic Caregiver (ECG) I was totally thrilled. Visiting the corporate office in Las Cruces New Mexico, seeing what they offer and how they do what they do with such high integrity, and being trained by a company that is the fastest-growing company of its kind (in the world), I could not be happier. I knew I was in the right place. And, with my experience and knowledge of ten years in the field of helping caregivers and senior subscribers, I knew I must write this.